a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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