Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
