I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
