I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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