I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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