I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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