He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
smell my finger.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
