I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
