Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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