the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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