Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
