why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
