Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
