we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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