My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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