I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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