Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
