I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
