so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
