Just fell off a train. Bad.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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