I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
