you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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