He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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