He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
