I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
