I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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