i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
