wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
