is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
