It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
