I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
