Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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