a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
