it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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