Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
