They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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