but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
