The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
