Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
