So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
