My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize