So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize