Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?

(1-502): View more from Kentucky

Welcome to every minute of my life.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk

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(949): View more from California

I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?

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(304): View more from West Virginia

his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.

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