The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
what is it with giant penises always finding me
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
