This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize