There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize