You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You pole danced in your parka.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
