i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
