I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
