so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
