she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
