Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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