You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
