just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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