I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
