I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize