1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
