whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
