I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
