Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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