to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
