I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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