i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
