Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize