So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
