I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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