He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
