Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
