Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Text me some of your sweat
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