She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize