i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
