There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize