Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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